I didn’t know where I was going, how a brand new world would treat me or what freedom was, and I didn’t even know if I would survive, but I became a stateless Rohingya refugee at the age of 16 when I left everything that was precious to me behind: my parents, siblings, flower and fruit trees, my home and motherland, and fled in order to seek safety.

People like me don’t have the choice to decide or make plans to leave our motherland on a specific date, at a particular time, and from a selected place. We are desperate to escape from a life-and-death situation and carry much pain in our hearts. I have been fighting for life itself since I was born.

I thought my physical presence meant something to the world but I learned that I didn’t exist without a piece of paper to show who I was and where I was from. My statelessness followed me everywhere and it was the most scariest feeling that killed me inside every day because I knew I would be stuck wherever I went. Being stateless was like serving an indefinite prison sentence. No one would ever come to look for me because I didn’t belong to any state; there was no way to go back or move forward.

I boarded many boats to seek a country that I could call my own, passing through Bangladesh, Malaysia, Indonesia, Australia, and Papau New Guinea. It took me 7 years to finally be free. Along the way, I was detained in Indonesia for 17 months where I had no contact with my family for months and they believed I had died. In Indonesia, the immigration prison where I was held, was on top of a mountain. The view was spectacular from our tiny rooms. I would wake up very early in the morning to watch people walking up and down the hill. I always told myself that I would be one of them one day. I just didn’t know how and when it would happen.

It really ruined my human spirit as I was surrounded by beauty but I was not allowed to experience any of it. I think it is intentional to build these types of prisons to crush our internal spirits. Luckily, I was released because my status as a refugee was recognized.

I was free in the community but I was not allowed to do anything in Indonesia. I was so desperate to rid myself of the label of ‘stateless’. So, I left Indonesia by taking a boat to Australia where I tried to claim asylum, but instead of recognizing my refugee status, Australia imprisoned me on Manus Island Papua New Guinea, for five years.

Mother Nature surrounds me

Birds fly over me

Exotic songs heal me

Leave me a message of hope

The river continues playing

The tide keeps coming and going

The splash of water closes my eyes

Leave me a message of hope

The stench of cruelty disrupts my peace

The circle of pain walks around me

Pencil fills the scrap papers

As I remain in a cage.

The concept of a system ruining people’s lives is not easy to understand. It is complex, destructive and manipulative and every aspect is highly politicised. It is a form of systematic torture, the scars of which are not obvious, but they are real and will affect a person for the rest of his or her life.

Over time, we questioned many of the decisions made and the waste which was so obvious. No books were allowed, but cigarettes were supplied; staff lost their jobs as a result of bringing reading material to refugees; food was thrown out while hungry local children drooled at the fence. We were surrounded by security guards watching our every move. I could go on and on, but the thoughts stir too many emotions as all these frustrations became torture when lived day after day.

At last, freedom knocks on my door

Just blink of an eye,

It flies me to a new home

It is Windy City, Chicago.

I arrived in the United States as a refugee in June 2018 and today I live in Chicago.

I don’t regret all that I have had to endure, in order to be free. Instead, I have accepted those negative experiences as lessons. In doing so, I have been rewarded with knowledge. I am much stronger and more brave because of these hardships, and I believe I am wise beyond my years. While incarcerated, I taught myself how to speak and write in English. Writing gave me a reason to wake up every morning and words turned my negative experiences to positive. I would have been lost if I had not found passion for and love of writing.

My writings have been published in various anthologies and newspapers in Australia and other countries. I have written my autobiography which I hope to share with the world soon.

While I continue my studies in college, I am deeply involved in creating an awareness of refugees' lives here and in other places where people are suffering in silence. I have addressed audiences in Chicago and various other cities. I have been invited by different universities to speak to their students. I also have worked on documentaries and written articles. I believe it is very important for people like me to stand up to educate the world about human sufferings around the globe.

The refugee crisis is a critical issue in our society nowadays, but it shouldn’t be. Any type of crisis is really a human condition and as human beings, we all need to be concerned about the tragedies that occur in our human history. It really takes every one of us to save our shared humanity and it is our responsibility to protect those who are suffering by doing whatever we can.

Today, humanity is threatened and in a dark place. It is not easy to find hope in this most tragic situation. However, we must remember it is us who made, we who are making, and us who will create history.